You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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