the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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