why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
A bitchslap is in order.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
