You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
