Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
