is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
