I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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