I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
