he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
