Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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