We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
