yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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