they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It was like getting head from an anaconda
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
