his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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