I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
