dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
They are going to name an STD after you.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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