My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
