Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
