I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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