She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
