he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
