Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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