I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I currently don't understand fingers.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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