i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
