Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
