i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
