don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Princesses don't give blow jobs
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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