Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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