I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
