Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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