you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
