mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize