I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
