my sisters under your porch take her home
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
