I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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