Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
