bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
