Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
