She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
