i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
