i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
