i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
