did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
