i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I wish you could order shots online.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize