Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
