please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
