I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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