i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize