Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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