Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
