I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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