All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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