my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
