god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I lost the right to judge tonight
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
