you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
