I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
