Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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