I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
