I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
