Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just had sex on a roof
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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