Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
