Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
