So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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