Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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