So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
