I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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