A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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