From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
