Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Randomize
