I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
