I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
